From Journals to Journeys

There are days when you question your journey. There are even moments you question God. So many of those days feel like a breaking of your spirit, passion and everything else.

In constructing this new version of myself, I have taken the time to break through what I once considered my foundation. So much of that was built on ego and suggestions of others. I really thought all of that was me creating the life I wanted to live. Nope. There were bits and pieces of what I wanted. Parts of my old identity felt right, you take the steps you believe make sense.

Steps I followed:

Go to college

Graduate

Land your first job

Date a little
Get laid off
Pursue your passion
Drop your passion
Start a new job
Refocus on climbing the ladder

Ugh! Corporate fucking America. The whole thing is built on the preconceived ideas about your talent or where they want you. Fuck that.

I’ve taken some time to just allow God to really break my foundation and allow me to rebuild. Guidance is golden. Earlier this year I sat and had a tough conversation with my then manager. Worth mentioning, I’ve had the opportunity to soak up so much from various people in my life. I took the approach of someone once close to me and held his damn feet to the fire. I mean seriously. That was a first for me. In my private life I feel as though I “go hard in the paint” for what I want. At work, not even close. That’s okay, on this very day I found myself with my foot on his neck (figuratively speaking). I reached a point where I was beyond being looked over for promotion and having to train someone for the role I wanted. I left that meeting nervous and feeling proud of myself.

Following that meeting, I felt things would change and I just “went along to get along”. I am so grateful I did. So much become clear in my life. That conversation was for me, no one else. Figuring out how to lay MY foundation, I had to find myself frustrated and ready for change. This was my attempt at controlling life. Terrible, terrible, terrible attempt.

The journey feels tight. It brings you to a point where you decide to follow God and allow him to move things and people out of your life.

“What’s meant to be doesn’t have to be forced”

I was forcing life. Not enjoying it. I desired what I felt was for me. “What I felt” After running into the same wall you say “fuck it”. I literally had to stop mapping out my life. I knew things were going well for me personally, I just needed to take my hands off of every detail.